It's been awhile since I have posted. My Wegener's and Kidneys have been in remission for almost a year now! Joy. Though here I am, so there must be something. There is. Or at least there might be. When I blogged during my last bout of health troubles I found it extremely healing so here I am. And maybe it will be for nothing. I hope so.
Lately I have been getting headaches, a lot of them. I never used to get any so it's been a little unbearable at times. While laying in bed the other night, out of the blue I looked at my boyfriend and said "I think I feel a lump". I poked around my chest and armpit a bit on both sides but couldn't really tell what I was feeling (which reminds me, get to know your body), but I just couldn't shake it. For the past 6 months of so I have been really tired, getting a lot of headaches and had this weird feeling on the right side of my chest. It wasn't pain or anything, just a weird feeling. I chalked it up to playing softball or lifting my almost 4 year old etc. etc. The same thing I did when I had kidney pain and kept blaming it on other things.
My wonderful boyfriend said "will you go to the doctor"? And I said yes. Then he said (he knows me so well) "When? Tomorrow?" In order to avoid a lecture I would surely deserve if I said maybe, I said yes. He then made me promise, and I won't break a promise.
The next day, Tuesday (3 days ago) I went to the walk in by my house. I don't have a family doctor yet so it was the best I could do. I went in and explained that I just felt weird and I thought something was wrong, he looked a little annoyed as I'm sure many people think the worst in these cases, but he told me to take off my top and he would do an exam. He and the nurse came back in and away he went poking around. As I mentioned it doesn't hurt, it's just uncomfortable on the right side. I could almost tell right away he found something when he did the left side in two seconds and kept going back to the right.
"You have a lump in your right breast". Heart stops. Not that I should have been surprised, I mean that's why I went in, but I guess I thought I was being a worrier and he would just say I'm fine. We talked about family history, and where it feels sore etc. So now there's a lump there and one in my armpit. The referral to go for the dreaded mammogram has been sent and a possible biopsy as well. I called yesterday and they said it could take a week or so to find out when my appointment will be, a week feels like an eternity.
Stupidly I did the one thing you should never do when you don't have answers, you're saying it in your head as you read this. I Google'd breast cancer, my symptoms, the testing they do etc. Needless to say I spent two hours last night texting my boyfriend because my head was overflowing with worry. He said it, and I agreed, there's no reason to worry until we know, because if it is nothing (which I am sure it's just a cyst or something easily handled) then I've wasted hours or days worrying for nothing. It's easier said then done but I am trying to stay positive.
The week before my mom passed away we had a visit, she told me the doctor found lumps in her breast and that she was worried and didn't feel like she had much time left. Unfortunately for her she was right, and never made it in for those tests so I am really curious what it was and if it's what I have to. Of course my mind is working in overdrive so I have thought about everything.
It's Friday, so I don't suspect I will hear about my appointment until mid next week. In the meantime I am going to try and keep busy and just spend time with those I love. Trying not to worry that soon everything could be changed. What a tricky situation. There's never a good way to handle "you might have cancer", so instead, I will keep going forward as I have with everything else I have faced thus far and be confident that no matter what it is, I will handle it and have people who will help me through it.
I will be in touch as things move forward. Wish me luck!
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